


The Devil went down to Georgia

by cemm



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, John is still British and still a doctor., John thinks he is straight., M/M, in case you can't tell this is crack yall., takes place in US Sherlock is southern John is still a Brit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:02:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9927977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cemm/pseuds/cemm
Summary: Sherlock Holmes is forced to return home to care for his ailing mother after his marriage falls apart. Back home Sherlock meets his mother's new physician, Brit John Watson and falls hard. There is just one problem Dr. Watson maintains he is not gay. Well Sherlock will just have to fix that.





	1. Take the long way home

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the American South in rural Georgia. I have written Sherlock as a 'southern gentleman'. He wears seersucker suits and loafers with no socks. His curls are contained and he speaks with a southern lilt. For those of you from the south he has a northern Georgian accent. In other words he will be considered OCC big time. John is still John, a doctor, a solider and a lover of jumpers and tea.   
> Sherlock's mother has some very outdated views of society and I will tag those when we get there. I am from the south and some of this is based on family stories. 
> 
> As always I do not own nor profit. Also no beta, all mistakes are mine. Language will be southern American.

“It was a dark and stormy night….once upon a time….”  
“Sherlock?”  
“Hmm….”  
“I am getting the feeling that you are not taking this very seriously.”  
“You mean the therapy?”  
“No I mean the restraining order.”

Restraining order. Seriously. The bastard took out a damned restraining order. I mean It wasn’t like I actually hit him with the knife. Hell I wasn’t even close to his privates. If I had wanted to cut his dick off, trust me I would have. 

Instead I am in the outer bands of hell also known as anger management therapy. Apparently I have anger issues. Really, couldn’t tell. I suppose throwing knives at your soon to be ex husband at the Golden Corral is considered to be a bit not good and seen by some as having issues with anger. Nope no problem. I was just really pissed off.

“You know as part of your deal you are to attend and successfully complete the program. Failure to do so will result in criminal charges being pressed.”

“What if I leave town?”

Which is how I found myself careening out of Oxford Mississippi and heading towards the bowels of south Georgia and into the bosom of the anti Christ also known as Suga, my mother. I have not actually been in the town of my upbringing for any considerable time since I was 18. I graduated high school, left town with the magician from the county fair and never looked back. 

Now some 20 years later I am back. This time to take care of the bat shit crazy woman that used to be my mother. I might also be running away from that pesky restraining order. Everyone in Mississippi seemed to be on board with the idea of forgetting about the whole mess if I promised never to set foot in Oxford again. No problemo, I have always wanted to go back to that god forsaken place known as Gertmond Georgia to take care of my ailing mama, said no one ever. 

Since it takes roughly eight hours to get back home we might as well get to know one another. My name is William Sherlock Scott Holmes.Yes, that is my real name. I go by Sherlock but my family has always called me Locky. For the love of god I have no fucking idea why they can’t just call me Sherlock. I would even take Will or Bill or even Willie. I believe this proves my theory that my mother is indeed the spawn of Satan. I mean who the fuck names their child William but calls him Locky. I know what you are thinking, people with no teeth and married to their first cousin kind of folks. I will have you know that my mama has all of her own teeth. Pretty sure my daddy wasn’t her first cousin but not positive. I know that Sallie Mae my mama’s mama was married to her first cousin. My mama’s sister Dottie was married to kin too. Anyway my point being, my folks aint some white trash kind of family yet they go and call their only son Locky.

The Holmes are a prominent family in Gertmond. Or rather they would be if any of them had stuck around. My father was a Holmes. My mother is a Gertie. Why yes just like the town name. Yall see where I am going with this. Both families prominent. Children married. Had blue eyed little boy and called him Locky. Doesn’t make a bit of sense. My mama’s name is Eugenia Weaver Gertie but everyone has always called her ‘Suga’ ‘cause she was always so sweet. I shit you not. My daddy’s name was Emment Sherlock Holmes. He was called ‘Yank’. I haven’t the foggiest idea why. He had been called that for so long even he had forgotten how it all started. So Suga and Yank had Locky. I really suppose I should have provided barf bags on this adventure. I should also probably let you know that while my mama is named after something sweet, no one has ever in my life called me sweet. Also in case you haven’t figured it out yet….I am light in my loafers, queer as a three dollar bill, a fudge packer. Gay.


	2. Showdown at the Golden Corral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Sherlock got into this mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who do not know Golden Corral is an all you can eat buffet restaurant. In my opinion it tends to attract folks you normally only see working at county fairs. Never in anyone's imagination would Sherlock Holmes set foot into one, even as a campy gay Southern man. There are limits.

I really should have seen this mess coming. Victor had been distant with me for months now. I just wrote it off to the new semester starting and the pressure with a new University President. I had no idea that the real reason was Butterfly Cassandra Wilson. Sometimes I really hate living in the South. I mean I thought Locky was bad but Butterfly. Miss Wilson was from some hog waller in southern Mississippi. She was the first one in her family to go to college. I suspect that Victor and her mama were the same age but I could be wrong. Butterfly was in Victor's freshman composition class. I never understood why Victor continued to teach freshman classes. Apparently it was not the classes but the freshman in the classes.

I had met Victor when I too was a freshman at Ole Miss. I had spent a year traveling with a carnival as a magician's assistant and fuck toy. After a while it became tedious and I enrolled in college. I was a chemistry major and only took Victor's class because it was a requirement. He was lovely. All tanned and slicked back hair with chocolate brown eyes. I was smitten and after a year perfecting my cock sucking skills with the carnival he was smitten as well.

I went on to receive my PhD in chemistry and worked part time in the university lab. The rest of the time I helped out the Oxford police department with unsolved crimes. You would be surprised at what heat and a raging meth addiction can do to people. It was heaven. The depravity of people fucking their kin knows no bounds. Needless to say I was not keeping my house in order and my husband decided to visit another apartment. In other words he became bored and started fucking other people.

It all came to a head when I discovered that Miss Butterfly Cassandra Wilson was pregnant. She of course would keep the baby and of course Victor would marry her and they would live happily ever after. Small problem, he is married to a man. Actually not really a problem at all because I found out at the same time that my marriage to Victor was not legal. My stupidity with this man is astounding. I swear to you I really am a smart man. A genius in fact. I can tell things about people just from looking at them. I knew that harlot was up the duff when I saw her coming out of Victor's office. I just didn't see who impregnated her. Funny thing about that. You fuck a man for years you kind of assume they are gay. Nope. Victor Trevor is bisexual. Who knew.

This whole mess came to a head when I tracked the happy lovebirds to the local Golden Corral. Now I have personally never set foot into this particular establishment. I have heard rumors about what small children stick into the chocolate fountain. I also tend to avoid anything with the words 'all you can eat' unless it involves men with bare asses.  
Victor and Miss Butterfly were feeding each other small bits of pound cake dipped in chocolate from the fountain. God I hoped a child had stuck their boogie covered finger into the fountain. I can be petty like that just in case you hadn't figured that out about me yet.

Now I had spent a year perfecting my oral skills as well as other skills. My magician friend was a knife thrower. You know the guy who throws knives at his scantily clad assistant at the fairs that travel around the south in the summer. Well I was the scantily clad assistant. When I wasn't blowing the magician or getting knives thrown at me, he would teach me his technique. 

I hadn't practiced much in the past years but it is amazing what rage and a hand full of steak knives can do for a man's confidence. In the end I had Victor pinned against the wall under the picture of the Confederate flag, his body surrounded by knives. Not once did I hit the man. I was impressed. I know yall would have been impressed if you had seen me. Victor and Miss Butterfly were not impressed. The local police were not either. The only reason I was not immediately arrested and sent to rot in the local was my relationship with the Police Chief. I helped him solve his messy crimes and I kept my mouth shut about how he was the real father of his sister's child. 

I did however end up in the anger management therapy and now I am heading home to a special kind of hell.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock makes it home and sees things his pretty little eyes should never ever see.............

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should put a disclaimer on this chapter that the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Many of this was taken from my childhood of visiting my grandmother in the budding hell hole known as Hazlehurst GA. My family owned the oldest house in town which was built by Dr. Latimer who really was a Captain in the Confederacy. The house was miserable and it was true we couldn't sleep with the heat on and there were chamber pots in every bedroom. My grandmother was the youngest and one of her sister's was a hermaphrodite and her brother was a Klansman with a humpback. 
> 
> I have no doubt that Sherlock would have never let Rhett out of his bed.
> 
> As always no beta, mistakes all mine. Do not own these characters merely playing with them.

It was so nice to see that Gertmond has not changed in the years I had been gone. The last time I had been home was for my Daddy’s funeral. Victor had opted to stay home. In retrospect he was probably fucking some uneducated harlot in our bed. Water under the bridge I suppose. Any hoo my daddy was a good man. He was quiet but would speak up if someone really pissed him off. That someone was usually Suga. God that woman was sent straight from hell. 

I miss my Daddy. He never made any judgments about what stupid idea I got in my pretty little head. He would just smile and say “whatever makes you happy Locky’. Suga did not give a rat’s ass about what made me happy. She was perfectly content for me to park my ass in Mississippi and never set foot in Georgia again. Oh she was going to be sooo happy to see my smiling gay self coming home to nurse her back to health. 

I rolled up into the yard at 501 Latimer Street. The Gertie house looked as oppressive as when I had left it. It had been built in 1866 by Dr. Gertie after the war. The good doctor had been a Captain in the Confederacy. The house was built for his young bride and first cousin. They quickly filled the house with nine screaming youngins, 4 boys and 4 girls and one hermaphrodite. I suppose since she was a girl on the outside and a boy on the inside she was considered a daughter. My grandmother was the baby in the family. My great uncle Charley was a hunchback but the only time anybody paid that any attention was when he would have his Klan robe on. Everybody in town knew which one was Charley.

The Gertie house was made of heart of pine which meant no termites would ever bother it but it also meant that the damned thing could burn up in a blink of an eye. When I was a youngster the house was unpainted and had taken on a scary grey tinge one would associate with houses in horror movies. My grandmother had at some point, painted the homestead white, which certainly perked it up a bit. Unfortunately heart of pine and paint do not mix, leaving the house in a constant state of peeling. 

My grandmother had only one child and thus the house went to Suga. I lived the greater part of my life in this house. It did not have central heating or air. It was hot in the summer and cold in the winter. At some point someone put in gas heaters in the ancient fireplaces but they were unvented which meant you either needed to open a window or die in your sleep. Needless to say the heaters were not on at night. Thank god to whoever invented the electric heating blanket. I know they say it can kill sperm but I knew at an early age reproducing was not in my cards. I would rather be toasty warm at night even if I did not find the female form arousing. 

The stairs to the second floor were steep and hand rails were for the weak. Suga and my daddy had their bedroom on the first floor along with my grandmother. She lived with us after my grandfather passed. I had the run of the second floor. There was one bathroom on the first floor that was added sometime in the 1920s. Each bedroom had a chamber pot and yes of course I used that fuckin’ thing. There was no way in hell I was going to freeze my ass off attempting to pee and take the chance of breaking a limb.   
I went up to the back of the house and let myself in with the key that was under the rock. The back porch had been enclosed when I was a baby. It had been screened in when the kitchen was added at some point. My daddy insisted that it be enclosed after I was born. He said there was no way he wanted his child to catch pneumonia attempting to get to the kitchen for food. 

“Hey mama, how you feelin’”  
“Good lord what are you doin’ here?"Obviously Suga was not expecting me  
“I have come to nurse you back to health. I brought my white nurse’s outfit, it even has the little hat.” I replied know full well I was winding the old bitty up.  
“Can you possibly be a little less…..”  
“A little less what Mother?”  
“One of those things.”  
“What things are your referring to?” I inquired innocently. I knew damned well what she was talking about. My mother referred to women she deemed promiscuous as ‘old bats’ and homosexuals were referred to as ‘one of those things’. I obviously was ‘one of those things’ and an ‘old bat’ on good days.  
“What would you daddy say if he was still alive?”She asked.  
“He would say, ‘leave that boy alone, he aint hurtin’ nobody and it aint anybody’s business who he fucks.” My daddy would never say the word, ‘fuck’ but he would have told her to leave me alone.  
“ Hmrf...I still don’t what I did to deserve such a mouthy son.”She pouted.  
“Oh mama you have no idea just how mouthy I can be.” I winked and left to go freshen up.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Mother ignored me as best she could. She watched her stories on the tv and played solitaire. I unpacked and surveyed my room. I do not know how my sexual orientation could have possibly been a surprise to my mother. This was not the room of a straight American male. Scarlett O’Hara would have been at home in this room. I could never understand how that woman let Rhett ever leave her bed. I would have never made that mistake.

I came downstairs around 5:30 and found Lolamae in the kitchen making supper. Lolamae had worked for my family for as long as I could remember. I used to hang out in the kitchen with her and watch her cook. That woman made the best biscuits.   
“Goodness gracious I never thought I would ever see your skinny gay ass around here again.”  
“Neither did I .”  
“Did they run you out of Mississippi?”  
“Oh honey I have missed you.” I said and gave her a big ole hug and kiss and just for giggles I grabbed one of her big fat titties.  
“Don’t go teasin’ an old lady like that. You either put up or shut up.” She laughed batting away my hand.  
“Seriously, Sherlock, what are you doin’ home. This is no place for you.” I always loved how Lolamae never called me ‘Locky’.  
“Well Suga needs me and I needed to get the hell out of dodge.”  
“Be careful, darlin’ don’t let this place suck you dry.”She patted my hand.  
“Oh Lolamae you know I will always be the one doing the sucking.”  
“You are a naughty naughty boy. Now shoo so I can finish up supper.” She tutted.

Supper was a simple affair, just Suga and me in the formal dining room. Lolamae had fried up some chicken and made rice and gravy. We had field peas and ripe tomatoes. The tea was cold and sweet. She had made pound cake for dessert which we had with coffee in the parlor.

It was in the parlor I noticed just how frail Suga looked. Her blue eyes once bright and clear were clouded. Her face was drawn. She looked like hell. This will not do. My mother might be the spawn of Satan but I will not have her going about town looking like she lives in a trailer park and watches reality TV while eating cheetos. The pull on polyester pants would be burnt. It was a good thing I came home. I had no idea things had gotten so bad.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The polyester pull ons meet an unfortunate demise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter so Sherlock can get rid of the polyester before we go meet hot Dr. John.

I had underestimated just how many fucking pairs of polyester pants the ole’ gal had. Jesus Christ on a cracker this is what happens when you don’t embrace having a gay son. Didn’t Suga understand the value of a queer son as she got older. She would never be badly lit and would always look immaculate. None of this 100% Polyester bull shit guaranteed never to shrink or discolor. It took me half a day just to go through the closet and get rid of the offending items. All that was left was a fur stole and a sequined cocktail dress.

I quickly grabbed Suga and threw the dress on her bony ass and we headed downtown in the Cadillac and parked outside of Wallace’s.( Now I am using that term quite loosely here yall. This is Gertmond. We are talkin- one street and one store that sells women's apparel.) Suga was a bit wobbly in the 4” stilettos I had found at the bottom of the closet under the orthopedic footwear. She was squawking up a storm about the outfit, but I managed to herd her into the damned store.

“Sherlock, honey is that you,” yelled a familiar voice.  
“My God DJ, you have gotten fat!”  
“Yeah I know, that what happens when you best gay friend up and leaves you to the all you can eat Sunday buffet.” D J had been my favorite gal pal back in high school. We used to spend hours doing makeup and hair and talking about boys.  
“Oh honey, I am so sorry. Look once I get Suga sorted out I promise I will fix you up.”  
“I see you threw out the polyester pants.”  
“I can’t believe he drugged me while he did it,” said a very pissed off Suga.  
“Mama I did not drug you, I merely gave you a little something to help you relax while I went through the polyester wasteland. Not my fault you dozed off.”  
“I woke up dressed like a floozy coming home after a night of caterwauling.”  
“At least it looks like you had a good night,” I replied.

In the end we managed to find Suga several outfits that were not manufactured out of a petroleum product. She looked very nice and after a quick trip to Eddie’s pharmacy for some cosmetics she looked almost back to her normal satanic self. No actually she did look quite lovely, until she opened her mouth. Oh well, baby steps I suppose.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock finally meets the good Dr. Watson!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always all mistakes are mine!  
> Aqua Net is a hairspray. It comes in a can and is highly flammable. It also guarantees your hair will not move!   
> Sherlock is wearing a seersucker suit which is a type of suit common in the south. Seersucker is a cotton material and in our dear boy's case is Carolina blue with a white stripe. The caddy is a 1966 Cadillac convertible coupe de ville in candy apple red with white sidewalls and white leather interior.

The next day I would get the old bat all gussied up for her visit to the doctor. She had been telling me all about her trips to the good doctor. Apparently he was not from these parts. Had a funny accent she said. He had been married to a local girl and lived up in the old Latimer house in the country. Apparently his wife had up and ran off with the handyman they had hired to fix up the ole place. She said his name was Dr. Watson, Dr. John Watson she said. He was a former Army doctor she thought or something like that. He was very kind and always listened to her so she loved him. This Dr. Watson sounded very interesting.

Fortunately I had made a visit to the seamstress before I left Oxford. Since I was once again single, I decided that I needed to make sure my suits emphasized my best attributes or my ass. I have a fabulous ass. It is what you might refer to as a ‘bubble butt’. It is round and perky like two ripe peaches. I made sure to have my pants tailored extra snug in that region. I also pulled out my extra slim dress shirts. Now I know most southern gentleman wear bow ties with their seersucker but I do not. I prefer to wear a simple cotton white shirt unbuttoned just enough to scandalize the church ladies and tempt the menfolk. 

I roused Suga and got busy making her look more human and less demon like. I then got to work on myself. I poured myself into my seersucker and slicked back my unbehaving curls. Normally I like to let those puppies flow, but today I needed them to behave. I was meeting the good Dr. Watson and I do like to make a good impression. Not to mention I have had many a man fall prey to that one lone curl that escapes and rests angelically across my brow.

I loaded Suga up into the caddy and away we went, top down and sun a shining.  
“Locky, put up the damned top. My hair!”  
“Relax old gal. There is enough aqua net in that bee hive to light you up like a roman candle. That hair is not going anywhere.” Though to be honest mine wasn’t going anywhere either. Might need to help that wayward curl to escape before we got to the good doctor.

We pulled up to the good doctor's and I helped Suga out. She looked good. I had picked out a pair of cream slacks and a black silk blouse. We had accented the outfit with a scarf and I had rooted around in her jewelry box and found a broach for her to wear. Her blue eyes were lined in jet black and I had used a soft mauve for her lips. Her hair had been teased to within an inch of its life and set with half a can of Aqua Net. She looked like my mama instead of some trailer park inbred.

My cousin Dorothy Jean works for the good doctor and I had not seen her since my daddy’s funeral. She was a large woman with an equally large bust and a tendency to squash my face into the large boobs. I think it was her way of attempting to turn me straight. Obviously it did not work. Today I was prepared. The hair could stand a lot of things but boob squishing was not one of them. I approached her and did the cheek kiss thing. Southern women love this. It makes them appear to be more cultured than they really are.  
“Oh my dear Locky, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”  
“Ah shucks DJ you are making me blush.”  
“Honey that was quite the show with Victor in the Golden Corral. I had no idea you were so good with a knife. I need to keep that in mind when Bobby gets out of hand.” Bobby was DJ’s husband. They had been together since grammar school and she had him so whipped and even I couldn’t ever imagine him getting out of hand.  
” The video has over 75,000 hits. It has gone viral.”  
“What video?’  
“Somebody took a video on their phone of you and Victor and posted it up on YouTube.”She replied. What? I was an internet sensation and I had no idea. This would not do at all.  
“ I need you to forward me that link.”  
Just then the good Dr. Watson poked his head out and said that he was ready for Suga.  
My mother is a lot of things but she is not a liar. She had not exaggerated a bit about Dr. Watson. The man was sex on legs. He had short golden hair that was turning shining silver. His skin was a coppery brown and his body. Oh lordy his body! He had forgone the white doctor’s coat and was wearing a blue button down with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and well fitting khaki pants. Now if my best asset was my ass the good doctor’s was his thighs. They were tight and muscular and my mouth watered at the thought of them wrapped around my head as he….Well enough of that train of thought. My already tight pants were getting a bit tighter. And while I am more of a grower than a shower, I needed to at least shake the man’s hand first. 

“Afghanistan or Iraq?”I asked as I extended my hand.


	6. Cockblocked in sequins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock needs to get out but his plans are sidelined by a crazy Suga. As always all mistakes are mine and I do not own these lovely characters, am merely playing with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Vex for her lovely words of encouragement.

"I’m sorry,” replied Dr. Sex.  
“Afghanistan on Iraq?” I repeated.  
“Afghanistan. But how did you know?”  
" I merely observed.” I smirked.  
“Observed?” Oh goodness gracious this man was adorbs. His eyes got all squinty and his little brow furrowed. I just wanted to scoop him up and well…..I wanted to do lots and lots of things.  
“Yes, your haircut and mannerism. You stand at attention even though you are unaware you are doing it. Your hair is cut precisely and very well I might add. Otto always can be counted on to give a superb cut(Otto is the only decent barber in a 100 mile radius, he also gives spectacular head). Also,we sent a lot of boys out of Ft. Stewart so you would have been familiar with the area. We don't get many Brits in these parts and very few folks outside of Jeff Davis county have even heard of this hell hole so you would have had to have known someone from Gertmond and well we don't travel much so….Army. And the only two areas we have sent troops to in the last 15 years were Afghanistan and Iraq”  
“That was bloody brilliant!” Brilliant! Dr. Sex called me brilliant. Oh dear lord, it was going to be difficult to keep one’s hands to one’s self if he kept that up.  
“Thank you! That is not what most people say when I deduce them.’  
“Really? What do they say.”  
“Fuck off.”  
Dr. Sex chuckled and I blushed and the heavens smiled upon me as the curl sprang free just as the good doctor glanced my way. Of course the demonic one could not deal with someone else getting attention and decided to butt her big fat nose into the proceedings.  
“Oh for goodness sake Locky, can’t you see Dr. Watson is a decent man and not some tart you can bat your eyes at and they fall to their knees. Control yourself. This is a doctor’s office and we are here for MY appointment.”  
Tart? Fall to their knees? Well! I did not think the old gal had it in her. Hmm... this was certainly interesting. The old bat had it bad for Dr. Sex. Too fucking bad she would lose. I have no doubt the good doctor was straight but honestly that really is not a deal breaker. Many of my conquest used to be straight but once you have been sucked by the best well everyone else just sucks!  
The good doctor cleared his throat and got down to business examining Satan’s bitch while I sat in a chair, crossed my legs, thrust out my chest and waited. It was a glorious appointment and by the end Dr. Sex was glistening. His cheeks were pink and if I had a dollar for every time he licked his lips well lets just say I would not have needed to put that remote control vibrator on layaway. I hustled Suga out of the room so I could make my move.  
“Um Mr. Holmes, may I have a word with you?” Oh yes Dr. Sex you may have anything you want with me.  
“Sherlock, please.”  
“Well, Sherlock. I am concerned with your mother staying by herself. Are you planning on staying here in Gertmond.”  
“Yes, I have come home to take care of Mother.” And I can’t step foot back in the great state of Mississippi but the good doctor really did not need to know that.  
“That is good to hear. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions about your mother’s care.”  
“Is there something I should look out for?”  
“Not really. I have just noticed her memory not being as sharp and she complains of itching and quite honestly I am starting to think it is psychosomatic. I have given her steroids and nothing seems to work. In the last two weeks she went to the emergency room twice with this phantom itching. I was worried about her in that big house by herself. I am glad you are here for her.” What the everliving fuck? Suga has dipped her toe into the pool of crazy. I am not sure I am equipped to deal with an actual crazy Suga. This was not good, even if Dr. Sex was looking at me with those baby blues. Suga and I were going to have a chat!  
I didn’t see the doctor for some days. I spent my days watching Suga and seeing just how batshit crazy she really was. She seemed perfectly normal while we strolled through Piggly Wiggly on Saturday afternoon after our hair appointments. Suga was once again violet hued and teased and I was magnificently mahogany hued with my curls tamed and curled with precision. I was wearing khaki pants tight enough to get the First Baptist preacher to blush and a pink shirt tight enough to get his number. Suga was wearing a lime green raw silk shift with a coordinating scarf. We looked damned good!  
I did happen to notice that she dropped several boxes of Benadryl into our cart full of fried chicken and Sanka. I did not recall Suga having allergies but perhaps this was a new thing. She and I had settled into a certain routine after her appointment with Dr. Sex. I would watch her like a hawk for any out of the ordinary craziness and she would bitch at me. I was beginning to get a bit stir crazy and horny. This had to be the longest time I had gone without a partnered orgasm since i was 12. I had run through three packs of batteries on old Buck. I really needed to look into rechargeable batteries for him. Perhaps tonight I could sneak out after Suga went to sleep. The old gal went down at around 8 o’clock...that gave me plenty of time to find someone to take care of my own itch.  
Of course I was cockblocked by the universe and my mother. The evening was progressing nicely. Suga was fed and watered and was drooping slightly during the Lawrence Welk rerun. Right on time it was 7:45. Perfect, in 15 minutes she would be safely ensconced in her floral boudoir of hell and I would be off to get off. At 7:54 all hell broke loose and that is how we ended up in the emergency room with ma in her gown and me wearing loose sweat pants and a t shirt that had a picture of chick on with with the words ‘I just got laid’ in orange sequins. Trust me the irony was not lost. And of course since we are wandering around in the outer bands of hell, the ER doctor on duty just happened to be Dr. Sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ft Stewart is a real Army base in south Georgia. Not sure if they sent anyone to Afghanistan but they did train troops to go to Iraq. Piggly Wiggly is a grocery store usually found in small southern towns. Lawrence Welk is a variety show from the '70's. It was and still is very popular with the over 70 set and can be found in reruns. Benadryl is an over the counter allergy medication. It also can control itching.


	7. Paging Dr. Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Sex and Lockie talk (sort of)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look it is an update! Don't know how that happened!

I should have been flattered the way Dr. Sex eye fucked me but I was simply in no mood. I had not had time to freshen up and quite frankly the curls were a mess. Suga was rambling 'bout something totally unimportant. I vaguely heard the good doctor ask me some questions.  
"So Mr. Holmes, what brings you out tonight."he asked.  
"My mother has an itch and it appears to be caused by tiny tiny bugs with sharp teeth," I replied attempting to appear to be the sane one in this organization. I do not think I was too successful but the good doctor nodded and began to examine Suga and the case of the invisible bugs.  
The exam went as well as one would think. Suga howled like a cat in heat and swore that there were bugs. She also might have suggested that she was not crazy. I now know that her hearing has not been affected by the bugs as her hand managed to find my right cheek when she heard my giggle at the not crazy comment. I was in hell and not in the fun one where everyone is running around naked and having copious amounts of sex. Yes that is what I picture hell to look like. Lots of orgies and booze and drugs and a fine time had by all. A fine time was not being had by all. Well I suppose Suga might be having a good time after the good doctor shot her up with something and admitted her to the hospital.  
We had been there for at least 4 hours and it was now approaching 1 in the morning. I had not moisturized nor conditioned and lets just say I was looking like I had been ridden hard and put away wet. The good doctor caught up with me outside of Suga's room as I was planning my escape.  
"Sherlock,"he said placing his oh so warm hand on my bare arm,"we need to talk about your mother." Now that is a statement to cause permanent erectile dysfunction.  
'What about Suga?' I asked praying to someone that this line of conversation would end shortly.  
"I think the time has come for her to perhaps live in a place where she can get round the clock care," he said carefully.  
"Dr. Watson, are you questioning my ability to care for my mother?" I asked defensively.  
"No not at all, just that you are a young man and your mother requires serious medical attention and quite frankly I do not think it is fair for you to put your life on hold to care for her."  
I might have blacked out after he said young. The good doctor had a point. I mean I was a young and virile man. Now I just needed to get myself together.  
" I appreciate your concern Dr. Watson. I am going to go home and think about it. Perhaps we could discuss this further tomorrow."  
"Absolutely. Get some rest. Your mother will sleep for some time now." He replied shaking my hand.  
God dammit this was how Suga was finally going to destroy me. If I put her sorry ass in a nursing home she would curse me until the end of time.


End file.
